So, Arya and I decide to watch a horror movie. And then, one
of our friends (he’s the same guy who made Arya promise she’ll kiss him) says
that he’ll watch it with us because he loves horror movies. We agree. Besides,
he’s huge and teddy bear-ish which would he’s a comfort when we need to hide
behind someone.
We watched the damn movie, The Grudge 2. It was so bad. It
was sooo bad. I don’t watch horror movies. The last one I watched was the
Chronicles of Narnia (The Lion, The Witch, The Wardrobe). I didn’t keep my eyes
open during most of the last half. Thank the fucking Lord. I would have killed
myself if I had seen anymore of the movie. The next morning when I was taking
bath, I heard pigeons and thought that the ghost was behind me. Seriously.
 |
| Creepy Japanese Ghost. |
And then, Arya goes off to do her work and I’m left with
this annoying boy who won’t leave. He kept telling me he would. After a while,
I was wondering how he could stand someone being downright rude to him. And
then he said let’s watch a movie. So we
put on some chick flick. And he started tickling me. And then his hand went
under my shirt. And then it creeped up.
I didn’t know what to do. I kept preaching to Arya how
saying “No” was important but I didn’t know what to do. It was an hour of weirdness
on my side during which I made three work calls and made several excuses.
Finally, I called Arya and she came back.
He apologized profusely later. And I said with false bravado
that it was okay. Honestly, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I didn’t feel violated
and all but why do men think they can just put their hands up whosoever shirts
whenever the fuck they want? Because I didn’t say no. And because people like
me don’t say no.
There was this other guy I knew who made me intensely
uncomfortable. Let’s just say, he put his hand into my pants in class one day.
And he kept following me around, on field trips, during classes- everywhere
basically. He wasn’t interested in me but he did it when he saw me. I avoided
him. Successfully.
And today, he messaged me apologising for the way he
behaved. Now, the incident is long passed so I told him that it was all chill
frankly because I’m just glad he realises that he was a dick. But how do I know
that he’s not going to do this again?
I don’t.
Anyway, Arya and I did our nude photoshoot. Honestly, it was
daunting. It was all bravado but when we came down to stripping that night, it
was weird. I was nervous. At the end of the day, I wish I had a few different
features. But I knew that we’d both chicken out so when Arya told me to go
first, I did.
It wasn’t liberating. I didn’t fly high. I felt nervous and weird
and shy. When I look at the pictures, I still do. But once I was done, I felt
awesome. Honestly, I can’t believe I did this.
I can't believe I did it!
It’s a big thing because it’s so intimate and personal and
artistic. I love the idea of being 80- old and wrinkled and nearly senile-and
looking back at the time when I was young and carefree.
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