Welcome, World (Mila)

Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I don’t know who is staring at me.

When I look back at my brutally short life, I wonder where I lost myself. I know exactly where- that doesn't help. Through my childhood, I have struggled to find myself- I still don’t have all the answers. And now, I study in a swanky college and I am working in Bombay over the summer. I am the smart one, the geek, the one who reads a million books. I am that girl who is scared of relationships, of emotional bondage and of cockroaches (they’re creepy, don’t laugh.) And now, I am tired. I am tired of being that girl who is one of the guys, I am tired of being the nerdy best friend, the one sporty one.

This summer, I am going to be the person I've always wanted to be.  I want to wear skirts, lipstick and high heels. I want to be proud of the fact that I love chick-lit and Gossip Girl and Sex and The City. I want to tell people that I know my Coco Chanel and that my bag is actually Fossil. I want to tell people that behind the baggy clothes, I actually have a slim figure.

I met Arya in college- we’re roommates in Bombay. (Have I mentioned that we love Bombay? Bombay -not Mumbai- is the city of dreams and desperation, of love of hope and faith. It is the New York of India) We had bonded over our love for classics, capitalism, theatre and politics. And guess what? Over Marlboros and Menthols, I figured out that she had a pair of Tres Mode heels hidden in her suitcase while she wore her father’s large shirts. So, we were travelling back by the Mumbai Local and we've come up with a bucket list for the summer. You can read it here.

Every time we do something on the list, we’re going to write about it. It works well because I had wanted to write The Great Indian Summer Novel, and this works well for me.

But the actual story doesn't start this summer- it probably goes back to our messed up childhood. No, we didn't know each other as kids but we Indians have similar parents. But for me, it goes back to the semester. It has been one messed up semester. I don’t know who I am, what I am doing (with my career) or my life. I liked a guy but it’s not going to work out and now, the world is different. And I need to change in order to keep up the pace.

So, we've the summer in front of us. Now we can talk about our smoking in the house, the wine and beer every other night and use un-parliamentary language without worrying that our parents will see it and be screwed by the conservative aunts and uncles and neighbour of the world.

What is the summer at the end of the day?

A collation of memories that seem more dreamlike than ever. When the heat passes, we remember only flashes of it. We actually remember the places, the people and the situations. We remember the smaller details like the ice cream, the pleasant midnight breeze and the satisfaction of slumber. We remember the people we were and the people who we became.

That is what this summer is going to be about. 

Love,
Mila